Manhattan real estate will be the death of me.

As of 3 hours ago, I have an apartment for August!! Temporarily no longer homeless! That being said, finding an apartment in Manhattan is a truly terrible, multi-step process that I will now lay out for your reading pleasure:

1. (Friday 7/22) Get to bottom of Pravesh situation.

2. Cry. Wallow in self-pity.

3. Pull self together. Call a broker. Leave message. Hear nothing for 3 days. Stress.

4. Call broker again. Explain what you’re looking for, be told it doesn't exist in your price range and to look on craigslist for short-term sublets.

5. Despair. Craigslist is sketchy.

6. Look on craigslist for short-term sublets. Find two viable, non-sketchy possibilities. Email posters of both. Hear back immediately, reply immediately, schedule viewings of both for the following evening. Get really excited about option 1.

7. Wake up following morning (Tuesday) to email from girls in option 1 informing you that they already chose someone the night before. Option 1 no longer an option.

8. Get really bummed out. Try to force self to get excited about option 2. Semi-succeed.

9. (7pm Tuesday) Go to look at option 2. Like it. Become emotionally invested. Visualize your clothing hanging in the enormous closet. Enter into verbal agreement that you will take it. Breathe sigh of relief.

10. (Wednesday) Wake up to email from girls in option 2 informing you that roommate won’t be moving out/subletting after all. "Best of luck" though, which will totally alleviate your disappointment. Ha.

11. Despair. Obsessively refresh Manhattan craigslist sublets/temporary housing page. Email 15 people with potentially acceptable August sublet postings.

12. Wednesday. Set up 8pm viewing of Hell’s Kitchen (HK) 3-bedroom and 9pm viewing of Upper East Side (UES) 2-bedroom.

13. Go to 4pm informational interview. Rock it. Too bad it was only informational and they don’t actually have any open positions.

14. Get email response from another apartment option informing you that viewing of 3-br apt in Flatiron District is going on for 30 more minutes and to text Tom for the address.

15. Text Tom.

16. Start walking towards Flatiron district (40 mins away).

17. 20 mins later (5:20 pm), still nothing from Tom. Abandon ship. Head to nearest Starbucks, incidentally 3 blocks from UES 2-br you’re seeing at 9.

18. Sit. Drink questionable Starbucks beverage. Regret purchase. Talk on phone.

19. 7:20 pm. Start walking to HK apartment (35 mins away).

20. 7:25 pm. Email Matt, poster of UES apartment you’re viewing at 9, asking for his phone number in case you decide to take HK apartment so you don’t waste his time or yours later that night. Congratulate self for being so considerate.

21. 7:40 Receive email from Matt with phone number.

22. 7:41 Receive email from girls in HK apartment cancelling on you due to fact that they’ve just chosen their subletter.

23. 7:41:01 Become angry.

24. 7:41:02 Turn around.

25. 7:42 Text Matt asking if you can just come now/in 20 mins.

26. Call parents to complain loudly and bitterly.

27. Perpetuate Angry New Yorker stereotype to group of tourists, in spite of not actually being a New Yorker. But definitely being angry.

28. Hear back from Matt to come at 8:45. Continue being angry.

29. Eat something. Try to calm down.

30. 8:45 pm. See Matt’s apartment on UES. Love it. Want it.

31. Learn that Matt is choosing within 24 hrs between 6 people, of which you are one. Feel cautiously optimistic: surely karma is on your side (see steps 1-28).

32. Just to be safe, email posters of 5 more listings on craigslist. Go to bed.

33. Wake up to 1 response. East Village, 3-br, posted by girl named Kitty.

34. (Thursday—today) Set up 1:30 meeting to view Kitty’s apartment.

35. Take subway downtown.

36. Emerge from subway, running late. Against better judgment, decide to take bus remaining 1.5 miles to apartment. Learn why bus sucks so much.

37. 2:00 pm. Arrive at apartment 30 mins late, thanks to unfortunate bus decision.

38. Look at apartment. Like, not love, it. In order to buy more time during which to hopefully hear back from Matt, say you need to talk to your dad first.

39. 2:15 pm. Leave, walk around, discuss with parents. Text Matt to try to get him to give you an answer.

40. Realize phone is dying. Walk 35 mins to SoHo Apple store to charge it.

41. 4:40 pm. Hear from Kitty that another girl is unexpectedly coming to view apartment in 20 mins. Ask Kitty for first right of refusal.

42. Request denied. Panic. Start running back to apartment.

43. Look ridiculous.

44. 5:03 pm. Out of breath. Arrive at apartment to find other potential subletter standing outside. Break news to her that you’re taking apartment.

45. Get yelled at. Hold ground. Apologize to irrational yelling person for situation that is not your fault. Empathize, given steps 1-44.

46. 5:12 pm. Finally get rid of irrational yelling girl. Breathe sigh of relief.

47. 5:15 pm. Greet Kitty. Write and hand over check. Sign agreement.

48. 5:45 pm. Hear from Matt. Get offered his (UES) apartment. Have to turn it down.

49. Remember that while you now have an apartment for August, you still need one for September. And all the months after that.

50. Enter subway. Sit across from bawling, inconsolable infant. Empathize.